Creating an In-Home Cozy Corner.
Children are emotional! (Photo by Arwan Sutanto on Unsplash)
Children are Emotional!
One of the most important places in our classroom is the Cozy Corner. There is a soft textured rug, plush pillows stacked to one side, a shelf that serves as a barrier between the space and the outside world. It is, as its name suggests, cozy. It is a place of respite, where one can have solitude while knowing that they are never, truly, alone. In many of the conferences, calls, and meetings I have had with families over the years parents continually asked—in many different ways but always with the same essential question—what do I do about my child’s emotions? The answer is in the corner. But first, an important piece of information.
Let’s get something straight. Being two or three or four or even five is tough. As tough as twenty-six, as tough as thirty-five, as tough as sixty. Life, quite simply, is never easy, and early childhood isn’t an exception.
The easy answer, then, to the question of what to do with your child’s emotions? Simple. Nothing.
Other people’s emotions are never our own to ‘do’ anything with. It is true, nonetheless, that as adults one of our primary responsibilities is to help children co-regulate their emotions and, as they begin to get older, help them learn how to manage those emotions themselves.
What is a Cozy Space?
A cozy space (or calming corner) is an awesome way to do this. In a cozy space, your child has a particular space where they can go to help themselves feel and experience their emotions—especially their intense ones—while keeping others and themselves safe. A cozy space is a space to scream and cry, to hit and to kick (yes!), to pinch (yes!) and to be upset and sad and pouting (yes!) without having to field the glances and questions of others.
Unlike a time out chair or corner, a cozy space does not ostracize a child. It is not a place they go to alone or should be afraid to go to. Quite the contrary—it is a place they should want to seek out because they know it is a space where all emotions are welcome and can be worked through.
A Few Cozy Corner Essentials.
A small rug such as a rag rug or even a bathroom mat. Something soft is ideal, as there’s nothing quite like a soft warm spot to curl up when the world feels like too much. Try to position the rug in a corner of a room—somewhere that’s particularly low-traffic is best. Depending on your home, this may look like a hallway alcove, a corner of your kiddo’s room etc. (I’ve also seen this done effectively with soft-upholstered chairs.
A throw pillow big enough for your child to squeeze. Sometimes two may be necessary. Feel out the particulars of your space to make a final decision.
A handheld mirror. This is key. When children are able to see their faces angry, sad, worried, etc. it helps them understand and be more sensitive to what those emotions might look like in others.
A small stuffed animal—a lovey, as we call them—for when they need to cradle something small.
Any other tools (see below) you may need. These ‘regulators’ and ‘modulators’ may vary, but as a general rule I’ve found that a sensory bottle (a clear bottle filled with water and glitter), a breathing ball (that expands and retracts), a soft squishy ball or toy (for those “angry hands”) and a book of emotions tend to work well as a baseline.
Ideas for embellishing the space.
A little shelf that can sit next to the rug or chair. Not only does this help to further define the area, but it also gives you a place on which to store the emotional basket and any other tools you and your child decide may be necessary.
A picture of your family.
A book or some sort of visual guide on emotions (one of my favorites is I Feel by George Ancona—but you could even make one featuring your child!).
A lamp or plant, a speaker or noise machine to play calming sounds and music, an essential oil diffuser. Think: What will make this space inviting? This is not a ‘time out chair’! Children should want to go there, or, if you must help them get there, at the very least it should be a place that is both aesthetically and sensorily pleasing.
Other notes.
Alternatively, if you don’t have a space where you can have a permanent aiming corner, a little rag rug in a basket stored close at hand works just as well. Part of the calming ritual can be helping to set up the cozy space.